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23 Losing a bet

I made a list of 100 things I should do that scare me. In 2020, I plan to complete all 100.


This one is so stupid and embarrassing.


I’ll state it simply: I made a (relatively small) six-month weight loss bet on HealthyWage, but I miscalculated. Actually, by the last month of the challenge, I’d changed my mind about wanting to lose weight in the first place. I’m on the high end of “perfectly healthy for my height,” which meant I could afford to lose (and thanks to societal pressure, I wanted to), but that’s not the same thing.


It turns out that while the low end of perfectly healthy for my height (where I was, briefly, at 20) is only natural for me if I’m doing about 10 hours of cardio a week, which I can’t be doing right now. Also, I really like lifting, but the calories you burn when you lift weights don’t seem to just go away like the ones you burn when you do cardio. They stick to you—in nice, productive ways, but it’s not so good for losing weight.


So now I’m working on gaining muscle instead! Not going to be a body builder or anything, just wanting to be stronger and healthier.


(Side note: I recognize I’m oversimplifying how these things work. I’m not a health care professional.)


In the end, I chose my health over the money, and that was difficult and scary. Funny thing is, as soon as I made the decision to just let myself lose the bet (and started eating enough again), I started really liking how I look in the mirror.


I look like a girl who enjoys eating, then puts the energy to good use by going out, having fun, and being active. I’d rather the way I look match the person I am. I’m really not much of a magazine model on the inside, so why did I want to look like that on the outside?


The fear itself might have been level 4, but posting it publicly is more like a 5.

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